Review of: ‘Accidentally On Purpose’ by The Shires

The lack of success The Shires have had during their short history frustrates me. No, that might seem like quite an odd statement to make, they are the biggest selling UK country act of all time after all. But that's not my problem. What I find particularly frustrating is the lack of pop crossover success that, at this point, they undoubtedly deserve. With the right marketing, I'm convinced that 'Beats To Your Rhythm' or 'My Universe' could have crossed over to pop radio.

However, with the lead single 'Guilty', it looked like their new album 'Accidentally On Purpose' was going to get that pop crossover treatment. This would have been good news, but the song was just not very good, even if both Ben Earle and Chrissie Rhodes are both great, charismatic performers.

This did slightly dampen my expectations going into this third full length studio album, but this is The Shires we're dealing with, if anyone can make this mainstream pop country sound work well, it would be them. So, what did I find on 'Accidentally On Purpose'?

Honestly, very little of note. 'Accidentally On Purpose' is the kind of album that I had high expectations for, but ended up falling completely flat for me for a reason that so much easier to explain than it should be. If anything, 'Accidentally On Purpose' just makes me think of the album that could have been, and that smoothly takes us onto the one consistent element of this entire album, our performers. Over the course of their previous two albums, both Ben Earle and Chrissie Rhodes proved incredibly charismatic and powerful vocalists when they've been given interesting material to work with, and it's certainly the case here. Although, sometimes the vocal arrangements and melodies don't give either vocalist the room to be as expressive as they could be. 'Guilty' is a prime example with a hook that does the complete opposite of flexing the huge vocal ranges our performers have that could be used in order to sell the good time party vibe that the song is going for. The song 'Echo' isn't much better in that regard, but, generally, I enjoy the performances on this album. The more subtle deliveries on 'Loving You Too Long' and 'Accidentally On Purpose', and the more intense presence behind the subtle gallop on the hook of 'Ahead Of The Storm' being standouts.

The production is more of a mixed bag. I’ll say this: this is a pop album with some country flourishes rather than the other way around. While I was not immediately put off on this album based on that fact alone, the thin and frail touches to so many of the songs here is a little off putting. The whining electronic effects on the intro of ‘Guilty’, the clumsy and very dry feel of ‘Echo’, and then there’s just a bunch of songs that do very little for me. ‘World Without You’ and ‘Speechless’ in particular leave me colder than they really should do, and on a pop country album like this, that’s that last thing you want.

That doesn’t mean to say it’s all bad. There is a soothing feel to how the guitar melody is mixed on ‘Sleepwalk’ that I did like, as well as the richer country touches that anchor the pretty damn good hooks on ‘The Hard Way’, ‘Accidentally On Purpose’, and the booming chorus on ‘Stay The Night’ that I kind of loved, even if the percussion generally feels thinner than it needs to be.

The bigger problem with ‘Accidentally On Purpose’ is the complete lack of any remotely interesting or new ideas in the song writing department. The problem is simple: there’s just not a lot of dramatic stakes to a lot of these songs. Without stakes, there’s just not a lot of pathos in these songs, however much Earle and Rhodes try to sell them. Take ‘Other Peoples Things’ from ‘My Universe’. There was something gripping and somewhat upsetting about the idea of everything you’ve ever owned stacked up in boxes for you to dig through and fin wonders you never knew you had, whilst anyone else would simple dismiss it, not seeing the beauty in it like you do. In other words, there was a true, deep, and undisputed pathos to that. This album on the other hand is rarely as adventurous. ‘The Hard Way’ plays the cliché of ‘you never really know what you’ve got / when you know it’s not coming back’, while both ‘Echo’ and ‘Guilty’ are mindless party tracks, with the latter track trying to justify itself through this vague idea of it being a crime to have fun: ‘If it’s a crime to have a good time then I’m guilty’.

The love songs like ‘Strangers’, ‘River Of Love’ and ‘World Without You’ don’t offer anything close to The Shires’ best love songs like ‘Black And White’ or ‘Naked’ from ‘My Universe’, and feel ultimately inessential, despite the latter track having an amazing hook

It’s the final song, ‘Loving You Too Long’ that connected with me most. I love songs about how time deteriorates relationships, but the best of these songs (‘Flagship’ by Jason Isbell) tend to come from an outside perspective looking in, but instead, The Shires take a complex role in a relationship that has gone on for longer than either partner could have possibly expected. In other words, the complete opposite of a song like ‘Flagship’ by Jason Isbell. It’s masterfully pulled off.

But otherwise, I can acknowledge that there is a time and a place for this kind of music, and it’s getting a light 3/5 from me as a result as well as a tentative recommendation, but listen to ‘My Universe’ and brave first. Only if you’re interested coming out of those two albums, check this out.

Rating: 3/5

Best Songs: ‘Loving You Too Long’, ‘Ahead Of The Storm’, ‘World Without You’

Worst Songs: ‘Echo’

Review of: ‘Golden Hour’ by Kacey Musgraves

I feel like I've been spoilt this year given the number of albums from artists I love scheduled to come out in April / May time, and this is the first big one from an artists that introduced me to traditional country and owe a lot to in terms of how my music taste has been shaped in recent years. Just like basically everyone, I was won over straight from the off with her stunning, borderline classic 2013 album 'Same Trailer Different Park' and haven't been able to look back since; an album that, for the record, entirely holds up to this day.

And while her sophomore album, 2015's 'Pageant Material' is a slightly weaker album due to the dramatic stakes being significantly weakened, I would still be looking forward to a new album if it was coming. And now we've got it in the form of 'Golden Hour', my most anticipated album of the year. Did we get the classic we all know she can make?

Simply put, no. In fact, I would go as for to say that this is the furthest that Kacey Musgraves has been over the course of her three album discography which is endlessly disappointing, as I said, this was my most anticipated album of they year, and to see it come out like this is a damn shame. However, it would certainly be unfair to say that 'Golden Hour' is a bad album either, as this is far from the case. What Musgraves and her collaborating songwriters and producers bring to the table with this album is a lot of potentially interesting ideas that let fragments of the Kacey Musgraves I loved in 2013, interspersed with love songs that can occasionally feel indistinct.

What is certainly not indistinct here is the familiar voice of Kacey Musgraves, and while she is at no point as subtly expressive as she was on the best moments of 'Same Trailer Different Park', but she still has a great voice which she effortlessly flexes throughout this album. That is, apart from the interlude 'Mother' where she sounds a half step away from RaeLynn for some reason. But, on an overwhelming majority of this album, like the standout 'Love Is A Wild Thing' that shows off Musgraves' great upper range, the closer 'Rainbow', and the rather upsetting subtler delivery on 'Space Cowboy' are all tracks that showcase Musgraves' excellent voice. I just wish the production that she have behind her was more consistent.

That doesn't mean to say that there aren't some decent moments in the production too, though. Musgraves and her production do have great tastes in chord progressions on the piano ballads like 'Mother' and 'Rainbow', I'll give her a lot of credit for that. Not to mention the excellent jangling groove on 'Love Is A Wild Thing', the stab at disco funk that goes surprisingly decently on 'High Horse', and the phenomenal reverb touched hook on 'Space Cowboy', these are all great moments, don't get me wrong, but for every time something goes well on 'Golden Hour' the production team lets a lot of poor tonal choices slip through. Why the awful sounding vocal snippet opening 'Oh, What A World' was included on the finished version of the track I've got no idea, as well as the synthetic fragment on the first verse; there's a a similar problem with the grading synthetic guitar tones on the solo on the borderline synth pop 'Velvet Elvis', with flat vocal production that seems to entirely ignore Musgraves' fundamental appeal.

It also seems that the tightly weaved melodies that made up 'Same Trailer Different Park' and to a lesser extent 'Pageant Material' have been significantly softened, and, on songs like 'Space Cowboy', seemed to have picked up a lot of hazy atmosphere that does kind of clash with some of the more rigid tracks here. Going from 'Slow Burn' to 'Lonely Weekend' is a bit jarring.

It also appears that no one has a clue what their doing with the percussion,which is either painfully thin, yet overweight like on 'Lonely Weekend' where the mixing is a complete nightmare, especially on the hook, or equally thin, and incredibly underwhelming like on 'Happy And Sad' making for a generally confused and unsettled listing experience that feels nowhere near as grounded as it could have done, but maybe I'm being too harsh. After all, the element that won over fans for Kacey Musgraves in 2013 was the writing.

And, once again, your getting a mixed bag, with a lot more love songs this time round. Like the fairly innocent bouncy 'Butterflies' with the extended butterfly metaphor being pretty cute, but what I found more striking was the line 'grandma cried when I pieced my nose' on the opening track 'Slow Burn' which picks up a lot more emotional weight when she discusses her own mother on 'Mother', there is definitely pathos to that. 'Space Cowboy' also works by taking the imagery of a horse in its field and gently crafting it into something so much more; just further evidence that Kacey Musgraves is sill as talented a songwriter as ever. Nowhere on this album is that more apparent on the excellent track 'Love Is A Wild Thing' that may be one of the best songs I've heard all year with heartfelt lyrics linking love to nature, highlighting the organic and inescapable nature of love itself. Gorgeous song.

The closer 'Rainbow' falls into a similar category, a track that discusses the difficulty that one undergoes in overcoming ones problems, but also the rewarding nature of overcoming said problems all through Kacey Musgraves rich and gorgeously framed lyrics. 'Lonely Weekend' perhaps goes even further where Musgraves tries to insist to herself that she's content with being alone at the weekend, but by that hook, you realise that there's definitely more too it than that, she still describes herself as lonely after all.

The writing doesn't always stick, though. 'High Horse' is perhaps the most blatant example. Musgraves tries to tell some anonymous person to get out of town as they think they're so much cooler than everyone else, but every listen to that song just further convinces me that Kacey Musgraves was not the right singer to deliver this message. She is a better fit for love songs like 'Velvet Elvis' and 'Golden Hour', and 'Wonder Woman' but no love song on this album is comparable to 'Somebody to Love' or 'Late To The Party' from 'Pageant Material'.

To make the 'Pageant Material' comparison once more, 'Happy And Sad' tries to be the ultra relatable song about mingled emotions, but this isn't too far removed from what Musgraves did on 'Miserable', a far better song.

As it is, it may appear that I'm being too harsh towards an album that is indeed good. I will admit I did have huge expectations going in, but I genuinely thought that Kacey Musgraves was going to do something amazing with this album, but, as it is, it's merely good. Huge disappointment, but still an incredibly strong 3.5 / 5, but it should have been more.

Rating: 3.5 / 5

Best Songs: 'Love Is A Wild Thing', 'Space Cowboy', 'Rainbow'

Worst Songs: 'Velvet Elvis', 'Golden Hour'

Review of: Camila by Camila Cabello

I am fascinated by the career of Camilla Cabello. As someone who didn't engage with the band Fifth Harmony, I find it genuinely fascinating that Camila can depart from the group and all of a sudden make genuinely good music, including a number one hit with Havana which, I would argue, was very deserved. And however much her follow up track Never Be The Same was a complete bore fest, I still had real hope that her debut solo effort could at least be interesting to talk about, even though the album had already undergone one name change and it was scheduled for release in early January.

While both of these facts did dampen my hopes that this album was going to be good, along with the fact that I didn't really love a lot of the work that a lot of the co writers, and the fact that Frank Dukes is the main producer on this album, a producer who is best known for his work with Travis Scott, Future and Post Malone, and the fact that 'Crying In The Club', a song I otherwise like, was cut from the final track list for some reason, and the more I thought about this album, the more I thought it was going to be terrible. So, did it turn out okay?

Well, almost? I think I understand what Camila and her calibrating producers and writers were trying to do with this, but ultimately, Camila boils down to a string of modern musical trends that does show some potential for Camila Cabello down the road, but there are too many missteps all across Camilla that kept me from enjoying it as much as I wanted too.

So, let's start with Camila herself, and I'll give her points for clearly demonstrating the fact that she's grown as a vocalist, even though I still can't stand her falsetto, it didn't work on 'Bad Things', and it doesn't work here, especially when she tries to do the entire pre chorus in that range on 'Never Be The Same' where she just falls completely flat, but she's generally agreeable in terms of the range she's playing in across this album. Her best strengths as a performer seem to come in when she's required to underplay, which she's required to do a lot on this album. She's at her softest on the brief reencounter with an old ex on 'All These Years' and the reflection on 'Consequences'. Both of these moments are among the stickiest moments on this album, and it's so easy to explain why: she's sticking to a range that suits her, and this works for the most part.

It's a bit of a shame that I can't say the same for the rest of the musical elements that make up this album, especially the production which really is all over the map on this album. While you do have some tracks on this album that fall into by the numbers piano ballad territory like 'Consequences', you also have tracks that swap out for piano for guitar like the beautifully cleanly produced with the well mixed backing vocals on 'All These Years', but then you get the drudging, lumbering, percussion over melody approach that hinders 'Never Be The Same', the scratchy beat layered way too far to the front of the mix on 'Inside Out', and the cluttered percussion that drowns out the mix on the Skrillex produced 'She Wants Control', all of which were moments were I began to understand why this album was pushed go January for release.

Now, that doesn't mean to say there aren't more moments that I can get behind in the production of this album. I've already talked about 'All These Years', but I also like the dark piano melody on 'Havana', and despite the poor percussion mixing, there is a catchy synth line at the core of the mix on 'She Wants Control'; the horn blasts were also a nice touch to that track. Not to mention 'Something's Gotta Give' which actually has some real ghostly swell behind it, it doesn't sound bad at all. It is a bit of a shame that we didn't get more of that kind of sound on this album, it could have afforded to be more risky.

And that brings us nicely onto the songwriting on this album, and if you were going into this album hoping that Camila could bring some drama into her writing, like the entirety of Camila, you're getting a mixed bag. On the one hand, you've got the straightforward love songs on 'Never Be The Same', 'Inside Out' and 'Into It', but then you get a song like 'Consequences' where Camila shifts the focus of the listener in the final stanza to present to the audience how much she regrets the time she spent with this guy, in hindsight. A touching moment on an album that can occasionally feel dry in the writing. On 'Inside Out' Camila says 'I wanna love you inside out' to try and describe how much she loves this guy, despite it being the furthest thing from attractive. Also, on 'Something's Gotta Give', Camila tries to win sympathy by painting her as the victim in a poor relationship, but what I don't understand is why she doesn't just end the relationship herself. I still like the song, it is well produced, but the writing does bug me.

But then you get a song like 'All These Years', a song that shows Camila reconnecting with an old ex, but it's just for a brief moment, nothing more, and the framing does a lot to capture a lot from that mere second, and I can respect that, easily the best song here.

But, with all that being said, I can't justifiably join the leagues of critics praising this album. Sure, there are one or two good good songs on this album, but it can't make up for inconsistent production, writing, and vocals.

2.5 / 5

Best Tracks: 'All These Years', 'Havana', 'Something's Gotta Give', 'Consequences'

Worst Tracks: 'Inside Out', 'Never Be The Same'

Review of: So Good by Zara Larsson

To be quite honest, I've always found Zara Larsson quite a difficult artist to place. The kind of artist that thrived on tight summer jams like Lush Life and soaring electro-pop songs like Never Forget You ft MNEK, both of which are songs I like, but before long, I started finding weaknesses in Larsson's production and writing that made me slightly hesitant going into her debut international release So Good. Larsson remained an excellent performer with a tonne of presence and charisma, but her later singles really disappointed me. The first of these was Ain't my Fault. A song where Larsson claims that it is not her fault that she is attracted to this guy and tha
t it's just human nature. A fairly innocent idea awfully executed. An admittedly decent build up leading into an unsettled, stiff, rigid pop hook that is barely redeemed from being flat out abysmal by a charismatic performer in Zara Larsson that I've come to expect from the Swedish singer.

Her follow up, I Would Like fell somewhere in between Lush Life and Ain't My Fault musically, but while Larson could play the role of a summer girl bouncing from crush to crush on Lush Life easily, Larsson has a harder time on this track. Probably because the writing is nowhere near as tight and punchy, production that desperately tries to find the gap between the style that worked for her on her previous hits, and the ugly pitch shifted vocals that don't flatter her or this writing at all that also turned up on Never Forget You ft MNEK and Don't Let Me Be Yours.

I feel like I had reason to go into this album slightly concerned going into this international debut album. I was made even more concerned when I saw Charlie Puth and Ed Sheeran on production on a few tracks. At this point, I've lost all sense of expectation going into this album.   I was just looking forward to sitting back and watching the madness unfold in front of me. So, what did we get worth talking about from pop superstar Zara Larsson?

Honestly, not a tremendous amount. Don't get me wrong, whilst Zara Larsson's So Good is not a bad electro-pop album, it's difficult to call it great or even all that good at points. And the things is that, generally, I can explain the problems quite easily. The biggest one is the vocal production and pitch shifting that turns up on tracks like I Would Like, Never Forget You ft MNEK and Don't Let Me Be Yours that really sours the tone on some of these songs distorting any upbeat energy they might have. It feels like a cheap, lifeless way of attempting to build an atmosphere and ultimately it falls short of making me feel anything beyond repulse. And they come up again, and again on this album and it ends up as this album's main flaw. However, on the songs that this isn't a problem, for example her hit Lush Life, Larsson shows how much flare she really does have as a performer over a tight, bouncy synth line that matches the summer vibe without feeling completely lifeless or too drowned out in tropical influences like so much of what was on the radio in 2016 and into 2017 if you look at Ed Sheeran's super hit Shape Of You, but we're getting off topic. The point is, a select few of these songs really do work with production that plays off Larsson's vocal delivery well.

However, there are songs on this album that just flat out don't work. One of them is the washed out Sundown ft Wizkid which attempts to play with the theme of not wanting to wait until the end of the day to make love to their significant other but instead doing it there and then. Another perfectly innocent subject, but with weak pop production with nowhere near the detail of the best songs here. Once again, the saving grace of this track is a fantastic vocal delivery. And, to be honest, that is the one constant throughout this album and the one crucial element that saves so much if this album from mediocrity. However, there are one or two instrumental moments that do connect. I like the horn-like synths on the chorus of Don't Let Me Be Yours that really adds some flavour to that particular song even with the pitch shifting, the synths that have some presence on the build up on Ain't My Fault, and the razor tight groove and whistle anchoring the hook on Lush Life. These are all great moments, but the problem is, outside of Lush Life, Symphony, Never Forget You ft MNEK, Funeral, the verses and build up on Ain't My Fault, and maybe Don't Let Me Be Yours very little of this album stood out as memorable in my first few listens which leads do an ultimately disjointed album, which I could kind of forgive for an international debut, but for a pop star as successful as Zara Larsson I really expected something more.

The worst moment by far being the sluggish feminist anthem, Make That Money Girl. Not only are pitch shifted vocals as misplaced as ever, but, in terms of the production and writing, the hook feels lazy, sluggish, and with nowhere near as much presence as it thinks it has. Filler material on an album that desperately doesn't need filler material.

But, of corse, this album is not completely throw away as there are a fair few moments on this album that I do like quite a bit. Like the sticky, memorable chorus and bridge on the opener What They Say, the lonely feel of One Mississipi, the guitar on the verses on Don't Let Me Be Yours, and especially the track Funeral. The cacophonous and infectious hook against tightly woven and crafted verses and Larsson singing at the top of her lungs with the pitch shifting being kept at a minimum. One of the best songs I have heard thus far this year and, with any luck, it will be her next single.

But as a whole, I'm conflicted on this album. On the one hand, there are some great songs on here like Lush Life and Funeral, but at the same time there are some bad moments like Make That Money Girl and I Would Like that force this album back to an extremely light 3 / 5. I would recommend some individual tracks from this album, but only it as a whole if you are interested in seeing Larsson's progression as a pop star.

Rating: Extremely Light 3 / 5

Favourite Tracks: Funeral, Lush Life, Don't Let Me Be Yours

Least Favourite Tracks: Make That Money Girl

Review of: Shape Of You and Castle On The Hill by Ed Sheeran

On 6 January 2017, singer / songwriter Ed Sheeran released two new songs to promote his upcoming album, titled ÷, called Shape Of You and Castle On The Hill. Ed Sheeran made is breakthrough into the charts with his album + with songs like The A Team and the excellent song Lego House. He rode off his success with his following album X which featured top ten singles Thinking Out Loud, Photograph and the critically acclaimed Don't. Could his new songs stand up to the quality of his previous songs?

Well, if there's one thing I can say for certain, they are definitely very different songs. We'll start with Shape Of You. Instrumentally, it's very weak. A blatant cash in on the tropical house trend that filled the charts in 2016. Thematically, it might seem innocent enough. Sheeran is at the bar in search of a lover, but it leads to some clumsy lines like, when describing his relationship with the girl he picked up at the bar 'we push and pull like a magnet do'. Furthermore, Sheeran's delivery is significantly weaker than it has been on previous songs. It is clear by the lightweight, bouncy tone that the listener is supposed to be on his side, but how can I be when Sheeran shows so little emotional investment in the relationship. The line 'your love was handmade for somebody like me' suggests that the love that they have stems from more than just looks, but the rest of the song suggests otherwise, and the message comes across very weak complete with flimsy drum machines helplessly trying to give the song some kind of foundation. If there's one positive thing I can say, the hook is not bad. It does stick in the brain. Credit where credit is due I suppose, but all in all, I did not find this song very enjoyable. And the worst thing is that it's so radio friendly that once radio programmers get their hands on it, it's unlikely to disappear. So, not a very good start.

Luckily, his second single, Castle On The Hill, is about as far away from Shape Of You as you can get. A  folk pop ballad anchored by rich, rollicking guitars as Sheeran remembers and emotionally sings about how he's grown up in since he was as young as six years old in what is essentially a rehash of 7 Years by Lukas Graham but better production, more emotionally captivating lyrics and vocals and told through detailed writing, great lines, an Elton John reference and a killer, sawing hook. The real emotion comes on the bridge though when Sheeran lists those who 'raised him' during his lifetime and how the reality of growing up can be demanding for some. An amazingly touching moment before Sheeran erupts for the final chorus.

In conclusion, I am looking forward the new album that Sheeran is releasing on 3 March, but I do hope that Sheeran elects to use more sounds reminiscent of the ones used on Castle On The Hill than Shape Of You because this upcoming album has the potential to be great.

Shape Of You: 1.5 / 5

Castle On The Hill: 4 / 5

Top 10 Worst Hit Songs Of 2016

So it's that time of year again. The time where critics like myself compile our personal lists for our top ten best and worst songs that have graced the charts in 2016. Overall, 2016 has been a very poor year for the Billboard Hot 100 in my opinion. It was full of mediocrity and a slew of downright bad songs that I will be discussing here. In order to qualify for this list, the songs in question must have debuted on the Billboard Year-End Hot 100 in 2016. If the song does not fit the criteria, it cannot be on this list. Without any further delay, let's get on with some dishonourable mentions.

Dishonourable Mentions:

The Chainsmokers - Closer feat Halsey
This song is saved from the list thanks to a pretty decent build-up and some detailed lyrics, but then the drop comes and ruins everything. The lyrics here are also questionable too. Andrew Taggart is described as hooking up with an ex-girlfriend who he attempts to flatter through making fun of her lack of wealth. He describes how he knows his ex could not afford the Rover that they romantically drive away in, and continues to taunt her with lines about how she stole her mattress from her roommate. If she can't afford a decent mattress to sleep on, she has problems and Taggart sure isn't helping.

Charlie Puth - One Call Away
Not a whole lot to say about this one. This song is just plain embarrassing in how weak it is. How am I supposed to be convinced that Charlie Puth is going to be the one who is going to be the one who is going to save the day and always be there if his voice has no presence over a lacklustre piano centred instrumental? And that's before we touch on the superman line in the chorus.

Charlie Puth - We Don't Talk Anymore feat Selena Gomez
However much One Call Away is a mess of nothingness and unconvincing vocals, We Don't Talk Anymore is not any better thanks to somehow injecting even less drama into the lyrics, production that feels just as bland and lifeless, and Selena Gomez tacked on to produce a risk-free breakup song with no presence or originality about it.

Fifth Harmony - Work From Home feat Ty Dolla $ign
This song has one of the most tired instrumentals I've heard on the radio this year. The lyrics here are the big problem for me here, though. The first verse is about a female in a relationship sending nude pictures to the male in the relationship while they are at work either in an attempt to get him fired, or with an understanding that what she is doing has the potential to get him fired, but she's doing it anyway. Do I need to say anymore?

Selena Gomez - Hands To Myself
While I don't dislike Selena Gomez as an artist, this plastic and limp song has so little presence that it carries no sexual tension. It feels so assembled and colourless instrumentally that it doesn't work being a song about Gomez's attempts to keep her hands to herself. Even with the instrumental problems, it still could have missed this list until the bridge where Gomez drops this awful line: 'I mean I could, but why would I want to?' What a way to completely undercut all drama that wasn't even present to begin with.

Rihanna - Work feat Drake
This track is ugly and misshapen in the worst possible way regardless of what Jamaican adaptation of English Rihanna is speaking in. It's just a jumpy, jolty, unfinished mess that I can't get into.

So, that's the dishonourable mentions done, so let's get on with the full top ten list.

#10

Like it or not, music is an art form, regardless of quality. Or, at least, that's what I thought before I heard this disaster.

Calvin Harris - This Is What You Came For feat Rihanna

This song is a joke. The kind of no effort song released that may have escaped this list in the sea of mediocrity that filled up a huge portion of the Billboard Year-End Hot 100 this year, but Rihanna's vocal flourishes push this song past mediocrity and into pure awful. The lyrics aren't helping here, though. You're at the club and there's one girl that you, and presumably everyone else (hence the song's name) came to see, and out of everyone at the club, this girl has chosen to look at you. More creepy than anything if you ask me, and the lyrics that are used to paint this picture are so bland that I have no desire at all to come back to it.

#9

There is bound to be one pick on every top ten worst song list that is controversial and several people will no doubt disagree with. However much you could say that about any of my picks on my list, as someone is bound to disagree with at least one of your opinions, this one is, without a doubt the most controversial one on this list.

Flume - Never Be Like You feat Kai

Feel free to disagree, but this song is a horrendously disjointed mess, and it is on this list 100% because of that. I get the appeal of this production. It's weird and shuffled with so much going on. For me, this just ruins the song. It's so cluttered with the blaring synths that just don't know when to resolve and instead elect to carry on stuttering and causing the song lose all sense of melody. In the chorus, everything is drowned out by the awkward synths that have presence and volume, but nothing else.

#8

Back to the more predictable side of this list.

Meghan Trainor - No

Meghan Trainor is seen straying from the doo-wop sound that infected her 2015 album Title to atrocious results. The song describes Trainor's attempts to reject a guy who starts asking questions to her at a club. I understand the sentiment, but the execution is not good here. Especially in the way the track has been written. The writing doesn't frame the situation as any more than a guy trying to talk to Meghan Trainor. He hasn't said anything that requires Meghan to go to such extremes rejecting him. It just shows me that whatever style Meghan Trainor and her producers try to emulate, the immaturity that was on display on songs like All About That Bass from her 2015 album will continue to shine through.

#7

Being boring is not enough to make this list, and while the song I'm about to discuss is, to some extent, an exception to this rule, this song does more than just be boring.

X Ambassadors - Unsteady

The Instrumentation on this song is what tips it onto this list. It has no life. Hot very fitting for a song with lines like 'If you love me, don't let go'. The song feels more board and dreary than emotional. I feel no sympathy for this young person who sees their parents relationship falling apart in front of them. With a more potent vocalist behind the microphone, I might care a bit more, but as it is, I cannot and will not recommend this song.

#6

In 2016, we had ten singles reach number one on the Billboard Hot 100 Weekly Charts and eleven if you count Hello by Adele which had a run at number one which started in 2015 but ran for the first three weeks at number one in 2016. Why is all this relevant? Because out of all the ten songs that I could qualify to go on this list, this is the worst.

Drake - One Dance feat WizKid and Kyla

This song just further shows how overexposed Drake is now. He can churn out whatever he wants and secure hits on the Hot 100 thanks mainly to streaming considering this song doesn't even have a video on YouTube. He doesn't even need to care about quality anymore. This tropical flavoured track is a catastrophe for two main ways. One of them is how Drake feels so unenthused by the incoherent lyrics he's singing. How can he get away with trying this little? The second one is the piano that runs throughout the song hitting in the most awkward places throughout the song. It is not as disjointed as Never Be Like You, but as least that song is somewhat intriguing in how much of a mess it is. This is just poorly written, poorly performed lifeless music.

#5

And speaking of lifeless music...

Gnash - i hate u i love you feat Olivia O'Brien

This is more than just lifeless, this is pushing boundaries in how dreary it is, but somehow Gnash and Olivia O'Brien have even less charisma than Sam Harris of X Ambassadors. The fluttering piano that anchors the song feels weak, but it's probably the most competent part of this song when compared to our vocalists. Gnash's distant murmur is just plain frustrating to listen to. Especially when he elects to curse after every line he says in his verse. Olivia O'Brien is better, barely. At least her voice has a glimmer of grace and elegance that makes her verse and the chorus slightly less detestable, but the song still blows.

#4

I can appreciate minimalism in music. It has its place. But this song pushes my patience to the limit. Unlike a song like Never Be Like You, I have genuinely no idea what appeal this song has. All the more reason for it to be higher on this list.

Ruth B - Lost Boy

However much this song is pretty high up on this list, it is remarkably easy for me to explain why I dislike it. A song purely based on piano chords and a vocalist is pushing the limits of minimalism. The lyrics are basic and plain lacking the detail to paint the picture that Ruth B is going for. It barely has a melody. The piano occasionally flutters with short shimmers of melodic presence, but they are so unimpressive that they get lost in the void of boredom that is this song.

#3

On the topic of minimalist failures...

Kiiara - Gold

This song is a pure example of how not to do minimalism. This song is not minimalist out of any artistic vision, but instead, a reverb-soaked disaster that fails in every sense of the word. First of all the song is completely incoherant and brings up so many points without being able to resolve them in a way that is cohesive and logical. Instead of even attempting to make an artistic statement, Kiiara resorts to repeating lines throughout her forgettable verses without a glimmer of interesting personality in her vocals to production that, instead of just accepting that it's minimalist, is drenched in reverb to sound bigger than it really is. It ultimately fails spectacularly.

#2

I'm amazed that there is a song above this one on this list as I'm very aware this is a popular choice for number one on worst of 2016 lists. It was just beaten out by one other song that I'll discuss in a second, but for now, the song that just missed the cut.

Shawn Mendes - Treat You Better

I think it is going to be nearly impossible for me express my huge distaste I have for this song fully, but I'll try my best. In short, this is a song about how Shawn can, supposedly, treat a girl better than her current boyfriend whilst simultaneously giving no evidence at all that this is at all the case making me think that Shawn just wants to take this girl for himself without a care in the world for what her current partners feelings are towards her. The song is tipped into pure awful in the second verse where Shawn says how much he would like to wake up with the girl in question the second that the girl says she would like him too. The level of self-awareness is terrifyingly low here. And as if this wasn't bad enough, the awful manipulative music video tips this song into pure abysmal.

#1

I'll be honest, I thought that this artist hit rock bottom in 2015 when she released the worst hit song of that year. Turns out, I didn't know half of it.

Meghan Trainor - Me Too

I'm sure it is pretty self-explanatory why this song is on this list and at number one, but I'll explain nevertheless. With Me Too, Meghan Trainor somehow finds new lows by taunting the listener with how she is significantly better than them. That alone is enough to put this song in the top two on this list. But it's the instrumentation that puts this song at number one. It sounds cheap and lazy to such an unbelievable extent that I really struggle to get through this song in one sitting.

So, that's my list. Let's hope 2017 brings more quality than this to the charts.

Review of: Sit Still, Look Pretty by Daya

Daya is the name of an American singer and songwriter who released her first self-titled EP in September 2015. She has had two singles peak in the top 30 of the Billboard Hot 100 with Hide Away peaking at 23, and Sit Still, Look Pretty peaking at 28. She was also featured on a song not present on this new album with The Chainsmokers in early 2016 called Don't Let Me Down which peaked at 3 on The Hot 100. It is almost a good thing that particular track was not included on this album because it would probably steal the show.

While I do think there are some good moments on Daya's Sit Still, Look Pretty, they are largely overshadowed by issues in the production and mixing of this album that stops the album from clicking with me as well as it could. My first big problem with the production is that there is nothing organic or hugely interesting going on.This is mainly due to the real lack of melodic presence that these songs seem to have. The beats are so overpowering, and the melodies are nowhere to be seen on this album, and when they are there, they're nothing special. Legendary is probably the best example of this with that awful squeal of the synth line swamped to the bay of the mix.

Other than that, this album really fails to impress me all that much. Talk tries to add a bit more menace to the production but is only able to emphasise the awkwardness of the songs. Similar case with the song U12 with its slow, groan of a melody line that just sounds horrible over the beat.  I could say a similar thing about the synth line on the verses on Got The Feeling ruining an otherwise passable chorus, and the weak, flimsy synth loop that runs throughout Words. Also, there is a line on the latter song that did frustrate me. 'We don't have to say love 'cause the words only get in the way'. I am slightly unsure how Daya intends for her relationship to improve by not acknowledging the love she has for this guy. Slightly confusing.

At least I.C.Y.M.I is a song that I can appreciate. Mainly because I can sympathise with the frustration of having an ex who just won't just accept it's over and move on with their life. The same with Cool. The fact that she is speaking about a positive relationship is refreshing and likeable. If only the production matched the mood.

The hits Hide Away and Sit Still, Look Pretty are both songs that inspire very little in the way of thought. In the former's presence, we have a song where Daya asks 'where do the good boys go to hide away?' She goes on to make comments about how she is looking for a guy who is willing to give her some respect and status in the relationship. Seems like a fine idea on paper, but Daya proceeds to make some very odd generalisations about what boys want in their girls. The statements seem to prove that she is not looking hard enough for a guy that is prepared to treat her with respect, though in the song she does insist that she is 'looking high and low'. The title track on this album follows a similar path, but the framing and use of hyperbolic language throws me off the song massively. She describes herself as a queen, and then that she is going to rule the world. Even if you argue that 'the world' is a metaphor for the relationship, the fact that she is playing the commanding role with such force kind of makes me want to (if I was the boyfriend in this case) stay away.

There is one moment on this album that stands out from the crowd, though, and that's the track Back To Me. On this track, the clumsy production is stripped back in favour of a pure, delicate piano ballad that proves to me that Daya might be a pretty emotive singer. The backing choir does ruin that sense of isolation that the song needs in order to connect on a wider level, but other than that, I really enjoyed this song, probably the best on the album.

The album close with the semi-inspired self-empowerment track, We Are. I can applaud the efforts of trying to go out with a bang, and generally, I do like this song, but the album lacks the consistent quality (or any quality at all) to feel deserving of this payoff.

In conclusion, Daya's Sit Still, Look Pretty is not a particularly fun listen. The lack of great moments means I can't rate this album any higher than a strong 2 / 5. If there is one good thing that I can take away from this, it's that Daya does show some potential on a few songs here. Give her time to mature, a production team who can deliver some weight instumentally to support her, and we might see something good from Daya in the future.

Favourite Tracks: Back To Me, I.C.Y.M.I

Least Favourite Tracks: Talk, U12

Overall Rating: 2 / 5