So it's that time of year again. The time where critics like myself compile our personal lists for our top ten best and worst songs that have graced the charts in 2016. Overall, 2016 has been a very poor year for the Billboard Hot 100 in my opinion. It was full of mediocrity and a slew of downright bad songs that I will be discussing here. In order to qualify for this list, the songs in question must have debuted on the Billboard Year-End Hot 100 in 2016. If the song does not fit the criteria, it cannot be on this list. Without any further delay, let's get on with some dishonourable mentions.
Dishonourable Mentions:
The Chainsmokers - Closer feat Halsey
This song is saved from the list thanks to a pretty decent build-up and some detailed lyrics, but then the drop comes and ruins everything. The lyrics here are also questionable too. Andrew Taggart is described as hooking up with an ex-girlfriend who he attempts to flatter through making fun of her lack of wealth. He describes how he knows his ex could not afford the Rover that they romantically drive away in, and continues to taunt her with lines about how she stole her mattress from her roommate. If she can't afford a decent mattress to sleep on, she has problems and Taggart sure isn't helping.
Charlie Puth - One Call Away
Not a whole lot to say about this one. This song is just plain embarrassing in how weak it is. How am I supposed to be convinced that Charlie Puth is going to be the one who is going to be the one who is going to save the day and always be there if his voice has no presence over a lacklustre piano centred instrumental? And that's before we touch on the superman line in the chorus.
Charlie Puth - We Don't Talk Anymore feat Selena Gomez
However much One Call Away is a mess of nothingness and unconvincing vocals, We Don't Talk Anymore is not any better thanks to somehow injecting even less drama into the lyrics, production that feels just as bland and lifeless, and Selena Gomez tacked on to produce a risk-free breakup song with no presence or originality about it.
Fifth Harmony - Work From Home feat Ty Dolla $ign
This song has one of the most tired instrumentals I've heard on the radio this year. The lyrics here are the big problem for me here, though. The first verse is about a female in a relationship sending nude pictures to the male in the relationship while they are at work either in an attempt to get him fired, or with an understanding that what she is doing has the potential to get him fired, but she's doing it anyway. Do I need to say anymore?
Selena Gomez - Hands To Myself
While I don't dislike Selena Gomez as an artist, this plastic and limp song has so little presence that it carries no sexual tension. It feels so assembled and colourless instrumentally that it doesn't work being a song about Gomez's attempts to keep her hands to herself. Even with the instrumental problems, it still could have missed this list until the bridge where Gomez drops this awful line: 'I mean I could, but why would I want to?' What a way to completely undercut all drama that wasn't even present to begin with.
Rihanna - Work feat Drake
This track is ugly and misshapen in the worst possible way regardless of what Jamaican adaptation of English Rihanna is speaking in. It's just a jumpy, jolty, unfinished mess that I can't get into.
So, that's the dishonourable mentions done, so let's get on with the full top ten list.
#10
Like it or not, music is an art form, regardless of quality. Or, at least, that's what I thought before I heard this disaster.
Calvin Harris - This Is What You Came For feat Rihanna
This song is a joke. The kind of no effort song released that may have escaped this list in the sea of mediocrity that filled up a huge portion of the Billboard Year-End Hot 100 this year, but Rihanna's vocal flourishes push this song past mediocrity and into pure awful. The lyrics aren't helping here, though. You're at the club and there's one girl that you, and presumably everyone else (hence the song's name) came to see, and out of everyone at the club, this girl has chosen to look at you. More creepy than anything if you ask me, and the lyrics that are used to paint this picture are so bland that I have no desire at all to come back to it.
#9
There is bound to be one pick on every top ten worst song list that is controversial and several people will no doubt disagree with. However much you could say that about any of my picks on my list, as someone is bound to disagree with at least one of your opinions, this one is, without a doubt the most controversial one on this list.
Flume - Never Be Like You feat Kai
Feel free to disagree, but this song is a horrendously disjointed mess, and it is on this list 100% because of that. I get the appeal of this production. It's weird and shuffled with so much going on. For me, this just ruins the song. It's so cluttered with the blaring synths that just don't know when to resolve and instead elect to carry on stuttering and causing the song lose all sense of melody. In the chorus, everything is drowned out by the awkward synths that have presence and volume, but nothing else.
#8
Back to the more predictable side of this list.
Meghan Trainor - No
Meghan Trainor is seen straying from the doo-wop sound that infected her 2015 album Title to atrocious results. The song describes Trainor's attempts to reject a guy who starts asking questions to her at a club. I understand the sentiment, but the execution is not good here. Especially in the way the track has been written. The writing doesn't frame the situation as any more than a guy trying to talk to Meghan Trainor. He hasn't said anything that requires Meghan to go to such extremes rejecting him. It just shows me that whatever style Meghan Trainor and her producers try to emulate, the immaturity that was on display on songs like All About That Bass from her 2015 album will continue to shine through.
#7
Being boring is not enough to make this list, and while the song I'm about to discuss is, to some extent, an exception to this rule, this song does more than just be boring.
X Ambassadors - Unsteady
The Instrumentation on this song is what tips it onto this list. It has no life. Hot very fitting for a song with lines like 'If you love me, don't let go'. The song feels more board and dreary than emotional. I feel no sympathy for this young person who sees their parents relationship falling apart in front of them. With a more potent vocalist behind the microphone, I might care a bit more, but as it is, I cannot and will not recommend this song.
#6
In 2016, we had ten singles reach number one on the Billboard Hot 100 Weekly Charts and eleven if you count Hello by Adele which had a run at number one which started in 2015 but ran for the first three weeks at number one in 2016. Why is all this relevant? Because out of all the ten songs that I could qualify to go on this list, this is the worst.
Drake - One Dance feat WizKid and Kyla
This song just further shows how overexposed Drake is now. He can churn out whatever he wants and secure hits on the Hot 100 thanks mainly to streaming considering this song doesn't even have a video on YouTube. He doesn't even need to care about quality anymore. This tropical flavoured track is a catastrophe for two main ways. One of them is how Drake feels so unenthused by the incoherent lyrics he's singing. How can he get away with trying this little? The second one is the piano that runs throughout the song hitting in the most awkward places throughout the song. It is not as disjointed as Never Be Like You, but as least that song is somewhat intriguing in how much of a mess it is. This is just poorly written, poorly performed lifeless music.
#5
And speaking of lifeless music...
Gnash - i hate u i love you feat Olivia O'Brien
This is more than just lifeless, this is pushing boundaries in how dreary it is, but somehow Gnash and Olivia O'Brien have even less charisma than Sam Harris of X Ambassadors. The fluttering piano that anchors the song feels weak, but it's probably the most competent part of this song when compared to our vocalists. Gnash's distant murmur is just plain frustrating to listen to. Especially when he elects to curse after every line he says in his verse. Olivia O'Brien is better, barely. At least her voice has a glimmer of grace and elegance that makes her verse and the chorus slightly less detestable, but the song still blows.
#4
I can appreciate minimalism in music. It has its place. But this song pushes my patience to the limit. Unlike a song like Never Be Like You, I have genuinely no idea what appeal this song has. All the more reason for it to be higher on this list.
Ruth B - Lost Boy
However much this song is pretty high up on this list, it is remarkably easy for me to explain why I dislike it. A song purely based on piano chords and a vocalist is pushing the limits of minimalism. The lyrics are basic and plain lacking the detail to paint the picture that Ruth B is going for. It barely has a melody. The piano occasionally flutters with short shimmers of melodic presence, but they are so unimpressive that they get lost in the void of boredom that is this song.
#3
On the topic of minimalist failures...
Kiiara - Gold
This song is a pure example of how not to do minimalism. This song is not minimalist out of any artistic vision, but instead, a reverb-soaked disaster that fails in every sense of the word. First of all the song is completely incoherant and brings up so many points without being able to resolve them in a way that is cohesive and logical. Instead of even attempting to make an artistic statement, Kiiara resorts to repeating lines throughout her forgettable verses without a glimmer of interesting personality in her vocals to production that, instead of just accepting that it's minimalist, is drenched in reverb to sound bigger than it really is. It ultimately fails spectacularly.
#2
I'm amazed that there is a song above this one on this list as I'm very aware this is a popular choice for number one on worst of 2016 lists. It was just beaten out by one other song that I'll discuss in a second, but for now, the song that just missed the cut.
Shawn Mendes - Treat You Better
I think it is going to be nearly impossible for me express my huge distaste I have for this song fully, but I'll try my best. In short, this is a song about how Shawn can, supposedly, treat a girl better than her current boyfriend whilst simultaneously giving no evidence at all that this is at all the case making me think that Shawn just wants to take this girl for himself without a care in the world for what her current partners feelings are towards her. The song is tipped into pure awful in the second verse where Shawn says how much he would like to wake up with the girl in question the second that the girl says she would like him too. The level of self-awareness is terrifyingly low here. And as if this wasn't bad enough, the awful manipulative music video tips this song into pure abysmal.
#1
I'll be honest, I thought that this artist hit rock bottom in 2015 when she released the worst hit song of that year. Turns out, I didn't know half of it.
Meghan Trainor - Me Too
I'm sure it is pretty self-explanatory why this song is on this list and at number one, but I'll explain nevertheless. With Me Too, Meghan Trainor somehow finds new lows by taunting the listener with how she is significantly better than them. That alone is enough to put this song in the top two on this list. But it's the instrumentation that puts this song at number one. It sounds cheap and lazy to such an unbelievable extent that I really struggle to get through this song in one sitting.
So, that's my list. Let's hope 2017 brings more quality than this to the charts.
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